Case Study: The Life You Want
Have you ever envisioned exactly what you want, made a plan to get it, and then…just…not moved forward?
One day Alex* came to our session excited to tell me about a goal he’d formulated a couple of weeks earlier: He wanted to spend less time on his phone.
He’d just returned from a remote residency that had extremely limited cell service. For most of each day, he was blissfully immersed in developing a new series of drawings; but in the few hours when he was able to get a signal, he would automatically reach for his phone and start scrolling the news and Instagram. He saw that, even when limited, his typical phone habits took up a lot of time and attention and lowered his mood. Now that he was back home, he wanted to avoid looking at his phone all day.
In fact, he’d already downloaded a program that would block his go-to apps and websites.
Sounds great, right? Still, I sensed some ambivalence, and Alex admitted that he hadn’t yet activated the program or scheduled any blocking times. We took a look at what was coming up for him, and he noticed that he was worried that he wouldn’t actually be able to reduce his phone use. He’d tried various methods before to no avail, and he didn’t want to disappoint himself again. Then he said, “I’m afraid I’m just stuck in a loop of phone addiction.”
I was curious to know what Alex was seeing, so I asked him to define addiction in his own words. He considered it for a moment: “I’d say…it’s using a thing so that you can experience pleasure and avoid pain.” Exactly! I invited him to consider if there was something painful he was avoiding, and Alex saw that he might be using his phone to keep himself distracted from some uncomfortable (but very normal) fears about his studio work. He was worried the new series might not pan out, resulting in the loss of materials, time, and money. And even if the drawings did turn out well, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to find an audience for them. If either scenario came to pass, he’d never feel like he was a part of his city’s art community. No wonder he’d rather distract himself! If he stayed occupied with scary headlines, he wouldn’t have time to go to the studio and draw.
Alex was experiencing a state that’s well known to artists: Being “stuck” at the point where we go from idea to reality. By their very nature, ideas feel light and free-flowing—that’s why they’re symbolized as lightbulbs, lightning bolts, and exclamation marks; they’re powerful and galvanizing. But transmuting ideas into physical form feels heavier. We sometimes wrestle with the limits of our materials. We can be temporarily constrained by finances or schedules. And we’re often hampered by doubts about our own efficacy, or the viability of the work.
Moving from idea to action commonly activates the amygdala, the part of the brain that’s on the lookout for danger when we do something new or different. Alex’s brain was naturally stopping him right at the threshold of bringing his idea into reality, telling him, “Don’t activate the app yet! You might not be able to stick to your plan! You’ll end up disappointed!” That way, he could keep his familiar scrolling behavior instead of creating a healthy new habit to support his studio practice.
When he observed what his brain was telling him, and saw that these thoughts were normal, he was able to shift his focus from his doubts to his desires. He proposed to use the blocking app in the mornings, so that he wasn’t starting off each day with global disasters. Once this was clear to him, we looked at how he might build some ease and grace into his plan.
Right away, he recognized that he wanted more support than the app alone could provide. Describing his plan as “a journey to a better life,” he first decided to sketch “a map” of the next six weeks, putting activities like drawing, yoga, and walking in the places that were usually occupied by his phone; he’d give himself some news time in the afternoons, and look at social media for a short period in the evenings. For extra support, he decided to share his map and plan with two friends, asking them to check in with him every Friday. Finally, we talked about celebrating success along the way (it’s an important component of building habits). Alex decided that for each week he used the app, he’d put $25 into a special fund; at the end of six weeks, he’d use the money to buy a sheaf of high-quality paper that he’d been wanting to try.
Note that Alex’s new plan was focused on moving toward being a successful, healthy artist, not away from looking at his phone all day. It’s more stimulating—and therefore easier to make change happen—when we stay present to our goals and dreams.
At the close of our conversation Alex appeared more confident, so I asked what he was seeing now. He said, “I can totally do this.” And he was right! At our next two sessions, he reported that he’d been using his mornings for artmaking and restorative activities, and had even added meditation to his weekly map. At six weeks, he ordered his specialty papers and was looking forward to experimenting with them. As we celebrated his success in both articulating and accomplishing his goals, he said, “Shifting my morning routine has given me so much more time and energy in my day.”
*All identifying details have been changed.
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